Last weekend, my two-year-old friend Frankie introduced me to a song called “I Love my Body” by the artist Mother Moon. Frankie and her parents sing it every day. I’ve started to sing it to myself as well — it’s a very catchy tune and I love the words. Children’s music has come a long way since I’ve last listened. Here are the lyrics, reproduced in full:
I love my body from my head to my toes
I love my face, my eyes, my mouth, my nose
I love the way I look when I look in the mirror
I stand a little closer just to see a little clearer
Who is that? It’s me
And I am looking good as good can be
So, what do I say?
I tell myself, I love me everyday
I love my body from my head to my toes
I love my face, my eyes, my mouth, my nose
I love the way I look when I look in the mirror
I stand a little closer just to see a little clearer
I hope you can too
You’re worthy of your own love, it is true
So, what do we say?
We tell ourselves, we love us every day
So, what do we say?
We tell ourselves, we love us every day
Listen here:
In chapter 12 of the Gospel of Mark, someone asks Jesus: of all the commandments, which is the most important? Jesus’ reply has become known as the Greatest Commandment: “…you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength… You shall love your neighbour as yourself” (emphasis added).
About five years ago, I realized that Jesus’ command to love your neighbour had a reference point. I woke up to the fact that loving myself was a spiritual discipline that I had utterly neglected. I did not have an accurate sense of what it meant to love myself. A Christian since I was a teenager, I knew that western culture did not give me a good model for loving myself, with its message of putting myself first, making sure I got what I wanted before someone else could take it, or buying the right makeup/car/house/vacation to make myself happy.
However, I didn’t realize the church wasn’t giving me a good model of loving myself either: volunteer for everything, particularly if there are gaps that need to be filled; make sure you are available for everyone all the time; put up with bad behaviour so that things remain harmonious in community; stay in a church community at all costs (to do otherwise is selfish and quitter behaviour); and make sure everyone else is comfortable, even if you feel uncomfortable. These are some of the messages I’ve received from church community over the decades.
I was very uncomfortable when I realized I wanted to learn what it meant to love myself. It felt self-indulgent and more than a bit ridiculous. I sensed, however, that I was listening to the invitation of the Holy Spirit and that perhaps loving myself would help me understand and live into all parts of the Greatest Commandment.
My spiritual director at the time helped me understand that this journey was a genuine spiritual discipline, with consequences for not only me, but the community I lived and served in. I happened to be at the beginning of a six-month sabbatical (traveling overseas), so I used the time away to find out some elemental things about myself. What things and activities do I actually enjoy? Who do I truly enjoy spending my time with? How do I feel when I am alone? How much activity do I like doing in a day? What does it feel like when I say no to things, particularly things I feel obliged to do?
I found out that I use the word “should” a lot. My inner monologue is constantly telling me what I should do, how I should feel and what I should do to “be a good Christian.” As these thoughts would arise, I would intentionally experiment with doing what I wanted to do, feeling whatever I was feeling without judgment or internal commentary, and saying no to things I didn’t want to do and people I didn’t want to be around.
Consequently, my energy expanded, and my equilibrium steadied. I am no longer at risk of burnout, as I am clear to do the work that is mine to do, not the work that needs to be done. As an aside, I am a big believer in leaving gaps in a system like volunteer work in the church. If I don’t rush to fill gaps, there is room for the people who are called to (and enjoy!) the work. If no one fills the gaps, that’s good information as well. Perhaps it’s time for that program to go on hiatus or end. Neither God nor the community are well served by exhaustion or resentment, both of which are commonplace when someone is volunteering because no one else will.
I encourage you to listen to the Mother Moon song for the sheer delight of it and for the spiritual discipline that might arise out of the listening. Jesus would not have given us a reference point if loving our self was not one of the elemental things we need to learn.
